MaryAnn died at 4:15am on April 7th, 2023. I first met her when I was 21, and we married three years later. That was 44 years ago. I was a tough Marine and she turned me into a puddle. The thought of her still does that to me.

I write today because I am so scared to let go of 2023. It is the last year that I held her in my arms while she slept, the last year that I kissed her, the last year I felt her hug me. I am afraid if 2023 falls, her life will slowly fade from me and I couldn’t bare that. This grief, this pain never seems to let up. This is hard.

Grief, pain, and suffering are all around us. This world is filled with suffering. No doubt you are suffering today. Maybe not like me; possibly worse than I, but suffer you do because you’re human. Why? Why is there always suffering? I don’t have that answer and I won’t try to make you feel good by pretending, but I can offer you a story.

One of MaryAnn’s last writings was a journal entry that quoted Psalm 62:8: “Trust in Him at all times…”. I actually took a picture of that entry and framed it, because MaryAnn never trusted anybody, so this declaration from her was strong! And as I continued to search for her, but more so as I crawled down this path of brokenness that is grief the theme continued to surface. Trust me. Trust me. Just trust me.

When you are suffering it’s hard to think about anything else. You can’t get past the pain. You’re sitting in the middle of your situation, and you’re wondering how are you ever going to survive it? How on earth do you get out of this? What am I going to do? She died, or I screwed up, or they hurt me, or I lost, or I can’t stop and it hurts. Oh, it hurts. How do I get out? What do I do now?

God says, trust Me.

Years ago, somewhere around 2001, we bought a new house. It was in a new neighborhood and we were moving up! Our two sons were high school age and we were doing well, so it was time for a larger home. It was a spec home, one of the final homes in the neighborhood and it was already under construction. We were able to make the purchase in time to stop them from finishing the basement. My plan was to save what was a large chunk of money and do it myself.

Only thing was, I had never built a basement. I was in the car business, I wasn’t in construction. I had fixed a few things and I was handy, but my only claim to fame was the new deck that I put on the old house. It was big and beautiful, but a deck is just a deck. This was a complete basement from a poured concrete box and roughed-in bathroom plumbing in a nice neighborhood of upscale homes. I couldn’t screw this up.

I started and I learned. I made mistakes and moved slowly. Right away, MaryAnn was there to “help me”. And by “help me” I mean telling me what to do at every step, then questioning everything I did and was doing. “Why are you starting there? Where is that going to go? Won’t that stick out? That looks wrong. Do you know what you’re doing?” I tried my best to explain as I went, talking myself into the fact that I did indeed know what I was doing.

Finally, I couldn’t take it. I’d had enough. I couldn’t think and I was starting to doubt my plans. So I banned her from the basement. I told her that I loved her but she was driving me crazy and I would never finish if she kept trying to micro-manage my work and criticizing my every move. She wasn’t happy but I stood my ground and she was banned. She could see it as it went but not while I was working, and she couldn’t ask any questions or comment. If she did, I didn’t answer.

You see, I had painstakingly planned every screw, every stud, every receptacle in this basement build, just like I had the deck. I knew it was a painful job that would look beautiful in the end. I knew that we would spend years enjoying the pool table, living area, and even the small dance floor that I had planned as a surprise for her.

She just needed to trust me so I could go to work.

If you’re hurting, if you’re unhappy, if you don’t know where to turn. If you’ve been wronged, if you made a big mistake, if you need the marriage to work. If you’re hurting for your children, your spouse, you’re friends, yourself; please just listen to this:

Trust Him and be still. He’s working on you and for you.

God is not building you a basement. He’s building your life. He wants everything for you, and when He’s done building your life, He has a castle waiting for you. In His neighborhood. And believe me, He has a plan. It’s perfect. What He’s asking you to do is just trust Him. Walk through your day in peace and thankfulness and trust Him. He’s busy putting up walls where you planned to head, and installing doorways to places that you would never think of going. Stop doubting, stop judging, stop micro-managing His work. He won’t normally tell you because you’d just screw it up. God keeps whispering “Trust me, this is going to be BEAUTIFUL (and I added a dance floor!)”.

We don’t have the capacity to know or understand what great things He has in store for us. We just need to Trust and obey. To quote Elizabeth Elliott – “Suffering is never for nothing.” Take your suffering and give it back to Him, as your gift. Ask Him to bless your pain and thank Him for working things out you would never dream of.

When you start to trust Him, you find that you relax a little and you can focus on the things that are in front of you. The things He needs you to do. The things that need your attention.

Like 2024.

Just for the record, the basement was beautiful… (Trust me)